Funny how I've slowed down to a pathetic crawl after 50k. I don't feel like a winner, not when I'm not entirely satisfied with the current state of the scenes unfolding in the story.
I just want to get this over and done with! D:
“Oh, do you really think so, Lehre? I had to memorize the spell you taught me for an entire week and it was very difficult at first, but then I said to myself that if ever I am going to be a good enough Elementalist, I have to be like my brother Lehre, and Lehre is really great and all, but I have to be great as well. But then, I lost the piece of parchment you gave me where you wrote the spell, and I did not want to ask you for another copy because I know you can be quite grouchy when I ask you to repeat what you have taught me, so I tried my very best to recall the chant you told me to memorize, and I did! I did remember! It was very nice, kind of like this furry Shapka hat that is so fluffy that I love hugging it when I am not wearing it over my head.” --- Alia Falkenhausen, Chapter 13
Today, we ran at about 7 ½ knots, sometimes at 9 knots. Approximately, we made 177 miles, but I told the crew 132 miles; it seems they cannot stand it any longer. They mutter incoherent things under their breaths, yet I know that they mock and slander me for dragging them to this long voyage. I accuse them for their lack of spirit and their deliberate disobedience to me, their captain. I had to tell them repeatedly of the oaths they swore before the king to see to the end of this mission. I tried to lift their spirits as best as I could, telling them all about the rewards we will all reap once we accomplish our task, but to no avail.
They said it was insanity on their part to risk their lives, regretting the very pledge about swearing allegiance to me in this journey. Some feel that they have already reached the point in the voyage where no man has gone before and are thus not required to go to the end of the world with such dwindling provisions and lack of resources for the trip back home.
Some of my trusted men (who continue to dwindle in number as we go about this perilous quest) told me that if I continue to persist, the men will throw me into the sea when I am asleep. They will then craft this tale that I fell overboard while taking the position of the North Star with my maps.
There are times when I had to bite back my tongue in agreement to their complaints; I too feel that this journey has been an act of lunacy on my desire to embark on a new adventure. As much as I love a good exploration as any sailor, I do not want it to be at the expense of these men whose families are still awaiting their return back home. Yet, I am confident that if I lose command of this expedition, the flotilla will never reach Katai, and will most probably never make it back to Oporuto.I still pray to God that He will give me the strength and the perseverance to see through all this and show us the way.